The very gruesome Andy Murray

What's the matter with this guy? I'll tell you: tennis playing skills? Very considerable. Personality? Sub zero.

Tennis you can learn from a coach. Personality, in Mr Murray's case, if not learned on a couch, may have to happen in the operating theatre. Full scale personality transplant is definitely what's required, if he's not to spend the rest of his professional life scowling, grumpy and horribly mouthy (made all the worse with the frame-by-frame slow mo we get on sports TV these days).

As with all transplants, we need a donor. Someone with bags of personality to spare. Who to ask? Vic Reeves, I think: and then Mr Murray could shout "Eranu" with every winning shot, and "Uvavu" with every miss. We might even learn to love him - not much danger of that if he stays the way he is.